I just hope that my dad would realize the importance of spending QUALITY TIME with his kids before it’s too late.. we’ll never know if we’re still going to wake up the next day, if he knows what i mean. i think that we should live life to the fullest. and it aint happening with this family. seems like “vacation” is never really in his vocabulary. i really hope he wont regret the wasted time when it’s already too late.. just being realistic. fuck my life.

God know I’m drained. I am tired.

Thoughts..

There are so much random thoughts that are running in my mind right now. I just know that I am not the same girl anymore, and I guess that it would really take a long time before I can fully stand up on my own again – the same smile, the same genuine laugh, the trust that I give to people that’s just isn’t in me anymore.

I always feared of death. I don’t know, but whenever I remember people, most especially the famous ones, who died unexpectedly, I feel scared, I feel the detachment of my soul from my body. Maybe because, I am always the sentimental type. I hold on to memories too much. I fear that things will never be the same the way they were, if the time comes that someone close to me dies. I just can’t think about death for more than 10 minutes.. but there’s this strange change of feeling now, I am afraid that people will die, but I feel like when I’m the one who’s gonna die, I’d be ready. Or maybe because Im just too tired with my life right now. God knows how much I feel so alone all the time. I feel so unloved. I always curl up in bed, always trying to put myself to sleep regardless of the time. There are times when I just want to shut myself from the world. Whenever someone texts me, it takes me some hours to reply. I just feel lazy already. I haven’t reviewed a single thing. I’d rather sleep. I watch the same movie up to five times straight in a day, eat from time to time, then sleep again. My eyes hurt not from crying but because I am damn tired of everything. I feel so helpless. I do not know what to do. I feel so worthless. I constantly say to myself that I am not good enough for anyone. And no one really understands. 

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